my journey home

While I'm sitting the airport I thought I'd just post a little bit about my flight. Because I went to the airport and back a few times my allergies were on overload. So, I sniffled, sneezed, coughed, and blew my nose the entire 18 hours of flying from Entebbe to Washington. I was so embarrassed because people kept looking at me like I had some form of serious disease. But, all of the flight attendants and airport workers really took compassion on my situation!

When I got the the airport, Justine, the woman who helped me the day before was my same counter worker. She had the privilege to tell me that all of my bags were over the limit and I had to pay 150.00 US Dollars. I ran around the airport to this ATM, looking for my sunglasses and bracelet that I left at the entrance scanner, plus not feeling so hot from my allergies... I was a mess. Justine took special care of me and walked me to sit in the waiting area all by myself. As people walked by they just kept asking if I was ok because I was sniffling and crying from my nose hurting. It was funny. This one man even asked to take a picture with me because he saw I was from the US and he thought that was so awesome. He asked if he could get a picture kissing me, but I told him that's totally uncalled for and inappropriate. It was funny, though. I felt like a movie star!

Anyways, I was sitting by myself just upset that I had to pay so much money in my last 2 days and I just prayed that God would reveal himself to me, that my spirits would be lifted, and that I would enjoy my flights home. As soon as I got done praying Justine walked on the flight and sat down next to me. She explained that they couldn't get the receipts working and handed me all of my money back. I immediately burst into tears and just started praying! It was such a powerful moment! It's been awesome how God continues to fill me with joy, especially when I feel empty!

The rest of my flights the attendants took such good care of my because I had "the flu"... that's just a cold, but they call if the flu in Africa! They each approached me and asked if I was ok and needed anything. One lovely lady even brought me some warm orange juice! She said it really helps her! I just continue to feel blessed and I love experiencing people's compassion! How can you not be thankful!?

I can't wait to be home, but am so incredibly thankful for the amazing time I spent in Uganda! It feels good to be in the USA, even if it's not home home yet! I definitely plan to keep you posted on how God continues to provide, the fears I continue to conquer for His glory, and the amazing prayers that He answers! Thanks, again, for all of the support and encouragement! Love you all!

Expectant waiting.

Our devotion actually hit the nail on the head this morning. Jonah talked about waiting on the Lord. We live our lives expectant of things, in his case he was talking about the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel and her expectancy to have a baby. After she had her child she rejoiced and praised God for blessing her. And as I listened I was reminded of all of the encouraging words I received about my stay in Uganda 1 more night.

For those of you who missed this: I packed up my life here into 3 suitecases and headed to the airport to depart for the USA! I was so looking forward to it. I've missed so much and I've learned so much that I want to share! My friend Ssempala Douglas drove me, carried my bags inside, hugged me and left me there to fly home... When I got to the desk I could tell on the ladies face something was wrong. She quickly called over another man and he hurried me around from place to place, without telling me what was going on, and after about 30 minutes they finally told me that my flight was the next day. My driver was long gone, I didn't know what to do, I was so confused, and I was mostly upset that I was going to wait another day to get home... I had been looking forward to that! I hired a private taxi, which cost my 100,000 Uganda shillings which is just over 37.00 US Dollars with the exchange rate now, and he drove me all the way home. He was lovely. We even stopped on the side of the road to wave at his girlfriend in her shop! I think he does it all the time. He was very proud of her! It was lovely! So, after an exhausting 3-4 hour trip to the airport and back I came home and had to explain everything to my friends.

Knowing the electricity was due to go out at 6 pm, like it does most nights now, I quickly pulled my computer out and charged my phone to make a few calls and get everything taken care of. I literally was on the phone for an hour and half and got no where. I talked to United Air who told me that Ethiopian Airlines had to change my ticket, not them. So FINALLY I got a hold of a lady from Ethiopian and as soon as she explained to me what had happened, something I had failed to do online, the power went out. I wanted to cry. I went into Amy's room and told her what happened. Thankfully, though, I wrote down the 800 number and Amy had the brilliant-beyond-brilliant idea to buy minutes and just use her phone to call. So, 10 minutes later everything was taken care of, no tears shed. I am not flying the exact flight, just a day behind, and arriving an home an hour earlier than planned. So, God is good.

The whole ride home, though, I couldn't help but think about what God was teaching me. I fought back tears and fear and stress and disappointment to really sit back and evaluate what had just happened to me. Thankful that things were alright, I went to bed still trying to figure it out. And this morning a light bulb went off.

I expect a lot. I think we all do. I personally struggle with putting my own expectations aside to follow the will of God, who ultimately knows best! I think this is just the beginning of my expectant waiting, but it was just such a sweet, sweet reminder of how much my Father in Heaven loves me that he provided all of my steps when I needed him to, that he kept me strong even when I was scared, and he lead me exactly where he wanted me last night. This is a lesson I hope to remember throughout every phase of my life. Although I can plan and plan and plan God always has a better plan and I can lay my burdens down and put my trust in him. He will always provide!

Also, I wanted to share some pictures from my last week with you! Enjoy! Kwagala nyo nyo nyo... that's right, I know a little Luganda now! (Love you so much!)

leading praise and worship at Brainstorm Primary

a squatter :)

played a game called cat and mouse, basically 2 person tag. 

The best singer in the WHOLE school. She didn't know
the words, but she sang so, so loud!

feeding them porridge

there were over 100 kids... this picture does their insanity no justice!

a new friend I found to share kisses with!

Two of my favorite boys at Victory: Benjamin and Isaac during the game! You can
tell their personality by this picture!

Rose, my friend at the Craft Market. I just love her!

Collin took us to the Martyrs church. One of the past presidents of Uganda brought all of the
Christians to this place, where a church is now located, wrapped them up so they couldn't
escape and burned them!

The top of the Catholic Church that is located there now. 

Davis smiled for me! So hard to get out of him!

Fina, his sister!! So beautiful!

Rhianna and Joyce, two of our neighbor girls that I love!

Owen took a picture of us! 

We went to an art festival and are beef on a stick. yum! 

It was so fun!

Amy and I bought matching shirts!

Our group at my last supper ;) 

My last visit to see this girl in UG. Next visit will be in the US! 

Amy finally got a good picture with Lola! :)

And, just for my last day she smiled... a LOT!!!!!

I probably gave her a million and one kisses!

My accountability partner, Harmen, and I in our matching
Hawaiin shirts... that are both his! :)

Victory!

On Tuesday at Victory Primary School Bryan told the children and teachers it was my last day there, so before I left the head teacher came up to me and asked me to stop by Friday before I left. She was so lovely and said that she loved the work I'd done with the organization and would just love for the teachers to spend time with me before I left. So, Friday morning I got ready, stopped by Tusky's (The Walmart of Uganda) for some juice, and boarded a Boda-Boda with Amy to go to the school. I stopped and got some pancakes (which is like a deep fried banana bread biscuit) and went to the school!

As I walked down the road I could hear the children outside playing. They get out of class at 10:30 for snack time and play time. To get to the school you walk in between these houses, kind of like a very short alley, and down the hill. Collin was with me, in case I needed a translator, and as soon as we appeared on the top of the hill I heard a not so faint "MZUNGO" with lots of screaming following that. It was so sweet. I am going to miss being screamed at and the excitement for just being Mzungo. There's something sweet and biblical about the way the children view us: no judgement, just love, excitement, joy. It's such an encouragement!

The head teacher set up one of the tiny classrooms for us to meet. She moved the desks into a circle and we all took a seat. I passed around the pancakes and juice and just began to speak with them. It was so hard to hold back tears because of what that school and those children mean to me. I told them my mom was a kindergarten teacher and she works so hard. Their conditions are so much worse than my moms, so I know they work hard! I tried to encourage them to keep working hard for the children, especially since they think they don't get much out of it. And I told them about how my 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Kerr, made the biggest impact on my life just because she loved me and cared for me. To this day I still think about her and remember how excited I was when I saw her on my first day of second grade in her lime green polka dotted dress. She made me excited to go to school. That's what these teachers are for these children, even if they don't tell them! The head teacher told me that the school had been in their location for 3 years, the teachers all introduced themselves, and they told me some things to pray about it. They started out their school with just over 50 students and this year they have about 160+. They struggle to pay their rent, which is 600,000 Ugandan Shillings every term, so every 3 months. That shocked me, a lot, because I just didn't expect the school could cost that much to just rent the land. I prayed for them, for strength to endure the difficulties teachers face here, for their children to do well and have a desire to learn, and for God just to be in that school! It was so awesome and would never happen in a school in the US. Praise God for his work in those teachers and the school.
When I was done I wanted to take a picture to remember my visit, the school, the teachers, and this place where God broke me down week after week and filled me up with love for each child at this school!

As I was preparing to leave the children stormed around me and grabbed my fingers, racing to find the perfect finger to put a handmade beaded ring on! And all of a sudden it hit me. I was leaving. I am leaving. And I don't know when I'll be back here. I looked around me at all of the children I've grown to love and I lost it.  In my excitement of going home to my family, friends, my doggies, weddings, football, warm, clean showers, washers and dryers, refills.... all of these things I've missed so much, I forgot how a piece of my heart will always remain here in Uganda. I looked ahead of me, behind me, to my sides and just saw beautiful, smiling, happy, joyful faces and I looked down at my finger and there was a beautiful new ring, a gift from my friend Eva. I pulled my glasses over my eyes, hugged child after child as I walked out of the school yard, and praised God for the opportunity to love each and every one of them. Still this very moment I'm crying as I write this. I know the best Father in the world will look after them, but I am sad that I'll miss them all growing up. Who knew children could make such a huge impact on your life. I am thankful to God for being there, for strengthening me when I wanted to fall on the ground and cry. So, yesterday, for the first time I cried. I broke and cried and loved and delighted in the Lord because of his great love for me and his children all over the world.

Thank you! Thank you for being with me on this journey. For sharing in the good moments and the hard moments. For the encouragement I've received day in and day out. Each prayer has been felt and God has really been at work in my heart and life here. I will never be the same. Thank you for the support, financially, prayerfully, spiritually, everything you've given me during my preparation for this trip and while I was here. This blog hasn't given justice to what God has taught me and what I've experienced! I look forward to many more lessons when I get home. This is only the beginning of what God can do when you just trust and surrender everything to him! I can't wait to see you all and talk to you when I get home!

Unfailing love!

This is my last week. I can’t believe it’s finally here. Although I am excited to go home to the amazing opportunities waiting for me there, I know a part of my heart will stay here in Uganda. I think it’s a common prayer for everyone who is preparing to leave that they wouldn’t let their mind and heart leave just yet. That has definitely been my prayer…  although I’m excited to see my sister and her baby bump, my amazingly supportive boyfriend, my incredible church family, my mommy and daddy, and so many incredible friends and family who have supported, encouraged and loved me through this trip, I would remain focused on the things God is continuing to teach me and show me through the people of Uganda.

This week has been no exception. God continues to amaze me in how he teaches me and just fills me with his love. The school we go to on Tuesday mornings, Victory, is one of my favorite programs. I don’t know what it is about that school, but I just love it! I love knowing the children, I love seeing the teachers dancing and singing along with us, I love feeding them porridge and playing games with them. As we did the introduction song Bryan stopped the singing to explain that it was my last day with them. Imagine, if you will, over 150 children standing in a giant circle as Bryan asks “Who here loves Auntie Hilary?” and arms shoot up and children are saying “Teacher, me! Teacher, me!” Bryan asks them to sing as loud as them possibly can so when I listen to them singing to me I will remember them for years and years and years! So I start my part, “Do you want to know me? My name is Hilary. I come from America! Of course I do, do, do!” And the children chime in, the loudest I’ve ever heard them sing, “Jesus, Jesus my savior! I love Jesus! Of course I do, do, do.” How does your heart not melt?! Not because they love me, but because they were screaming from the top of their lungs, proclaiming Jesus as their Savior! Ah, such a sweet moment to remember! I began to tear up just listening to them… thankfully I wore my extra big glasses!

Wednesday, though, is by far my favorite project day. We do Katalemwa, which I’ve talked about before, then Clive College (a high school program), Devemi and Good Choice. I love the programs on Wednesday. We are gone all day, with the exception of a small break for lunch! Today at Devemi I taught the children on being the light of the world and what that means. We sang “This Little Light of Mine” together and it was just lovely. I wish I had recorded it. There’s just something about 100 children being in a small space that makes their love and joy just shine! Before we left one of the ladies there approached Bryan and told him that since it was my last day the children should sing for me. So they did. It was so lovely and beautiful and inspiring and encouraging and joyful and fun! I can’t even describe how I felt. For those who aren’t on facebook, here is the video:

They are singing, You are leaving. Will you, will you write a letter to us? We are sorry you are leaving us soon, will you, will you write a letter to us?

Those are just 2 of the things that has happened where I just see God’s creation and can marvel at the beauty in this world. Amidst the chaos and busyness of life and stress and plans God sends simple reminders that he is still very much at work teaching me, loving me, showing me his creation! I just stand in awe!

God has used the children we work with every day to minister to my selfish, broken, scared heart. I want to love people and love them well! It’s hard to explain, but my heart is just filled with joy and I want to share it with the world, one child at a time., one person at a time!

As my final days approach I am sad, but so excited about what God has in store for me next! I have made so many new friends, experienced so much love and grace, and I will never forget these past few months! Thank you all for the continued support, encouragement, and love! I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know!

On another note, I conquered my fears of singing. Praise the Lord! I lead a lot of the children's groups, but I sang both of the Luganda songs I know, and I think I did a pretty good job at them! I also helped Abigail lead praise and worship at Clive College today and it was actually a wonderful experience! When you take the worry of what everyone else thinks about you and do something, for me sing, like it's just you and God, your fear, your worry, it all just goes away! AMINA! :)

A Light Shines Down.

"We put no stumbling block in anyone's path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots, in hard work, sleepless nights, and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience, and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." 2 Corinthians 6:3-10

In all honesty this week started out awful for me. Still battling personal issues and overwhelming feelings in everything I do, I felt so far from God. One of the things I've been learning here this summer is to actually ask God through prayer for things, like loving the babies homes, seeing him through certain projects, strength for projects, etc. and not just assume that because He knows me he will give those things to me. As my Father he wants me to ask.  This is something I think we take for granted and I usually just ask him for things. But this week I asked God to break my heart and to open my eyes to His presence, because where I see Him at work I can join in!

The week started like any other: Sanyu babies home Monday morning and planning meeting that afternoon. Tuesday we went back to the well at Victory and finally finished... Praise the Lord! After Tuesday I felt defeated. I've struggled so much with well work my whole trip. Wednesday came around and I was just struggling so much still. I needed my Savior, my Father, my source of strength and did he ever show up! Wednesday morning we went to Katalemwa as usual. On the way there I was just sitting in the car, battling with things in my mind, just not excited about going to anymore projects... just wanting to be home. I hope that doesn't sound bad, but it's how I've been feeling. I think it only gets harder the closer it gets to the end of my journey here. Anyways, I was leading Praise and Worship and it crossed my mind to just ask someone else to do it, but I didn't.... and I'm glad I didn't.

There was an MST here over the summer who pointed out that he could always tell that the Holy Spirit was taking over because I started a little hop dance when I was leading with the kids. After he pointed it out I began to notice that that is definitely what happened to me and I would be filled with the joy of the Lord it would literally make me jump. Halfway through my first song, seeing the children smiling, clapping, dancing, laughing, something took over inside of me. As soon as I noticed I was dancing I couldn't help but rejoice! I couldn't have done it without Him. The rest of the day, and week, God just began to reveal himself and it was glorious!

Thursday this week was the best Thursday I've had personally in a long time here! We started out at Nsambya Babies Home. An MST that was here last year, Samantha, was friends with Melissa, but never got to meet Lola so I took her up to visit! Lola was as lovely as ever and we got her dressed and ready for her Doctors appointment, where I later found out from Amy that the doctor told her that he really believes as soon as she's in the United States she'll advance in so many ways, even walking! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! After Lola went to the doctor, though, Samantha and I noticed Lola's 2 new roommates. I had met 1 the last time we came, Moses, but there was a new baby and we could tell he literally had just been born.

Samantha and I held those babies for 3 straight hours. We cried over them, prayed over them, and talked with them about how God had a beautiful plan for their lives. I can only say that as I was sitting in that room I felt God's presence so much! The conversations Sam and I had together and with those babies was heavenly. We could only rejoice that these children were alive! We asked one of the Aunties for their stories. She told us that Moses was premature and his mom dropped him off and abandoned him and his daddy. His dad is the one that brought him to the home because he couldn't take care of him, but he comes to visit every week and loves his baby so much. My heart just broke for that father and the difficult decision to admit he couldn't care for him and leave his baby in a home... knowing that it's the best decision! Sam and I both rejoiced and praised God that his earthly daddy comes to visit him and although he didn't understand we talked to him about his Father in heaven some more, who just loves every little thing about him!

Those are normal diapers. They come up to his underarms and swallow
his little body!

Look at those tiny fingers on my index finger!

I don't know if this helps, but my palm is
bigger than his little head. 

How cute is he?

Henry was our other baby. It was interesting to see God working in Sam's heart as she held this baby. The second she picked him up I could see God working through her. She was smiling and crying and singing to the baby and talking to the baby and was just basking in God's presence. I just sat back and watched her react with Henry and I couldn't help but smile and be thankful that God had opened my eyes to his presence in that room. If Sam and I hadn't been friends before, this would have been the moment! Henry has a little bit of a different, more heartbreaking story. Just the day before a little girl brought this baby to Nsambya after she had found him basically on the side of the road, down the street from the hospital. After Sam and I heard that we rejoiced that his little life was spared. Imagine being left on the side of the road in the busy, hustling city of Kampala. This little girl picked him up and brought him straight to Nsambya, which happened to be the closest home for him to be dropped at. Sam and I rejoiced that God had a plan for Henry's life. When you don't take life for granted, even the life of a little baby, it's so easy to rejoice in God's plan. What seemed so awful and terrible to us is a part of God's glorious plan for this precious life! It was definitely a part of God's plan for me and Samantha to meet those babies and know their stories that day. It was life changing for both of us!

Sam in awe of this beautiful creation!

Sweet little fingers, sweet little baby. 

Loving Henry with everything God's given her!

And Thursday continued to amaze me. God continued to show himself to me! I wasn't looking forward to going to the Remand Home that afternoon and actually wished I could stay home and sleep. Babies homes are exhausting and everyone gets exhausted by Thursday. I was coordinating today, so pretty much whatever I say goes! I had it in my mind to get the Remand Home Choir to sing. For the last month we hadn't been doing praise and worship with them and I was convicted that it was a critical part of our ministry with them. Music was always a powerful tool for me to feels God's presence when I was their age, so I wanted them to sing and worship and praise God with us in song! When we walked in it was honestly hard to see joy anywhere. Even as I stood in front of the group, waiting for everything to be set up, I just stared at empty, blank, tired faces. I kept asking people what was wrong, why they were sad, they said nothing. They even asked one of our workers what was wrong with some of our members... were they sick? Why weren't we happy? My first thought was, when the kids at the Remand Home notice there's no joy we need to change attitude quickly! I was even more convinced that Praise and Worship was what we needed.

Never in my life would I coordinate at Remand... or so I thought. I am glad that I followed my conviction. I said a prayer and put a smile on my face and got to work! When I asked the choir to come up they told me it didn't exist anymore. After a few minutes we got a few of the boys to come up and sing and it was one of the most powerful worships I've experienced in my time here. My heart broke as I looked around at these broken, lonely, scared, poor, confused children as they cried out to God. At one point I just stood in awe of God's presence, just seeing our staff and those children, all sinners, all in need of God's amazing grace, mercy and love. I literally felt God's presence and it was powerful.

One of my favorite things about Uganda is that half of the time the worship songs are in Luganda and the Spirit of the Lord never ceases to amaze me that worship in another language doesn't stop me from sensing His presence! Towards the end of our worship we were all on our knees, crying out, praising God, praying to our Father, seeking his love and forgiveness together as a body of believers. I couldn't help but praise God for opening my eyes to him at work in that room, for breaking our hearts, for drawing us closer to him, for revealing himself to us, for filling us completely! The rest of the day was just as lovely. An MST got up and taught a lesson and we broke into small groups, something else we hadn't been doing in the past month. These children crave God. They crave to know Him, to understand His history, His grace, His forgiveness, His love! It was a powerful day for me and God finally gave me, and a few other MSTs, a heart for the Remand Home! It makes me tear up just thinking about it.

Praise the Lord for who He is! For what He has done for me. For the pain, the joy, the love, heartbreak, the laughter... for everything! Praise the Lord!