In all honesty this week started out awful for me. Still battling personal issues and overwhelming feelings in everything I do, I felt so far from God. One of the things I've been learning here this summer is to actually ask God through prayer for things, like loving the babies homes, seeing him through certain projects, strength for projects, etc. and not just assume that because He knows me he will give those things to me. As my Father he wants me to ask. This is something I think we take for granted and I usually just ask him for things. But this week I asked God to break my heart and to open my eyes to His presence, because where I see Him at work I can join in!
The week started like any other: Sanyu babies home Monday morning and planning meeting that afternoon. Tuesday we went back to the well at Victory and finally finished... Praise the Lord! After Tuesday I felt defeated. I've struggled so much with well work my whole trip. Wednesday came around and I was just struggling so much still. I needed my Savior, my Father, my source of strength and did he ever show up! Wednesday morning we went to Katalemwa as usual. On the way there I was just sitting in the car, battling with things in my mind, just not excited about going to anymore projects... just wanting to be home. I hope that doesn't sound bad, but it's how I've been feeling. I think it only gets harder the closer it gets to the end of my journey here. Anyways, I was leading Praise and Worship and it crossed my mind to just ask someone else to do it, but I didn't.... and I'm glad I didn't.
There was an MST here over the summer who pointed out that he could always tell that the Holy Spirit was taking over because I started a little hop dance when I was leading with the kids. After he pointed it out I began to notice that that is definitely what happened to me and I would be filled with the joy of the Lord it would literally make me jump. Halfway through my first song, seeing the children smiling, clapping, dancing, laughing, something took over inside of me. As soon as I noticed I was dancing I couldn't help but rejoice! I couldn't have done it without Him. The rest of the day, and week, God just began to reveal himself and it was glorious!
Thursday this week was the best Thursday I've had personally in a long time here! We started out at Nsambya Babies Home. An MST that was here last year, Samantha, was friends with Melissa, but never got to meet Lola so I took her up to visit! Lola was as lovely as ever and we got her dressed and ready for her Doctors appointment, where I later found out from Amy that the doctor told her that he really believes as soon as she's in the United States she'll advance in so many ways, even walking! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! After Lola went to the doctor, though, Samantha and I noticed Lola's 2 new roommates. I had met 1 the last time we came, Moses, but there was a new baby and we could tell he literally had just been born.
Samantha and I held those babies for 3 straight hours. We cried over them, prayed over them, and talked with them about how God had a beautiful plan for their lives. I can only say that as I was sitting in that room I felt God's presence so much! The conversations Sam and I had together and with those babies was heavenly. We could only rejoice that these children were alive! We asked one of the Aunties for their stories. She told us that Moses was premature and his mom dropped him off and abandoned him and his daddy. His dad is the one that brought him to the home because he couldn't take care of him, but he comes to visit every week and loves his baby so much. My heart just broke for that father and the difficult decision to admit he couldn't care for him and leave his baby in a home... knowing that it's the best decision! Sam and I both rejoiced and praised God that his earthly daddy comes to visit him and although he didn't understand we talked to him about his Father in heaven some more, who just loves every little thing about him!
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| Those are normal diapers. They come up to his underarms and swallow his little body! |
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| Look at those tiny fingers on my index finger! |
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| I don't know if this helps, but my palm is bigger than his little head. |
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| How cute is he? |
Henry was our other baby. It was interesting to see God working in Sam's heart as she held this baby. The second she picked him up I could see God working through her. She was smiling and crying and singing to the baby and talking to the baby and was just basking in God's presence. I just sat back and watched her react with Henry and I couldn't help but smile and be thankful that God had opened my eyes to his presence in that room. If Sam and I hadn't been friends before, this would have been the moment! Henry has a little bit of a different, more heartbreaking story. Just the day before a little girl brought this baby to Nsambya after she had found him basically on the side of the road, down the street from the hospital. After Sam and I heard that we rejoiced that his little life was spared. Imagine being left on the side of the road in the busy, hustling city of Kampala. This little girl picked him up and brought him straight to Nsambya, which happened to be the closest home for him to be dropped at. Sam and I rejoiced that God had a plan for Henry's life. When you don't take life for granted, even the life of a little baby, it's so easy to rejoice in God's plan. What seemed so awful and terrible to us is a part of God's glorious plan for this precious life! It was definitely a part of God's plan for me and Samantha to meet those babies and know their stories that day. It was life changing for both of us!
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| Sam in awe of this beautiful creation! |
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| Sweet little fingers, sweet little baby. |
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| Loving Henry with everything God's given her! |
And Thursday continued to amaze me. God continued to show himself to me! I wasn't looking forward to going to the Remand Home that afternoon and actually wished I could stay home and sleep. Babies homes are exhausting and everyone gets exhausted by Thursday. I was coordinating today, so pretty much whatever I say goes! I had it in my mind to get the Remand Home Choir to sing. For the last month we hadn't been doing praise and worship with them and I was convicted that it was a critical part of our ministry with them. Music was always a powerful tool for me to feels God's presence when I was their age, so I wanted them to sing and worship and praise God with us in song! When we walked in it was honestly hard to see joy anywhere. Even as I stood in front of the group, waiting for everything to be set up, I just stared at empty, blank, tired faces. I kept asking people what was wrong, why they were sad, they said nothing. They even asked one of our workers what was wrong with some of our members... were they sick? Why weren't we happy? My first thought was, when the kids at the Remand Home notice there's no joy we need to change attitude quickly! I was even more convinced that Praise and Worship was what we needed.
Never in my life would I coordinate at Remand... or so I thought. I am glad that I followed my conviction. I said a prayer and put a smile on my face and got to work! When I asked the choir to come up they told me it didn't exist anymore. After a few minutes we got a few of the boys to come up and sing and it was one of the most powerful worships I've experienced in my time here. My heart broke as I looked around at these broken, lonely, scared, poor, confused children as they cried out to God. At one point I just stood in awe of God's presence, just seeing our staff and those children, all sinners, all in need of God's amazing grace, mercy and love. I literally felt God's presence and it was powerful.
One of my favorite things about Uganda is that half of the time the worship songs are in Luganda and the Spirit of the Lord never ceases to amaze me that worship in another language doesn't stop me from sensing His presence! Towards the end of our worship we were all on our knees, crying out, praising God, praying to our Father, seeking his love and forgiveness together as a body of believers. I couldn't help but praise God for opening my eyes to him at work in that room, for breaking our hearts, for drawing us closer to him, for revealing himself to us, for filling us completely! The rest of the day was just as lovely. An MST got up and taught a lesson and we broke into small groups, something else we hadn't been doing in the past month. These children crave God. They crave to know Him, to understand His history, His grace, His forgiveness, His love! It was a powerful day for me and God finally gave me, and a few other MSTs, a heart for the Remand Home! It makes me tear up just thinking about it.
Praise the Lord for who He is! For what He has done for me. For the pain, the joy, the love, heartbreak, the laughter... for everything! Praise the Lord!
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