My unexpected life.

You know the Cinderella movie that came out featuring Brandy as Cinderella? The one where she sings this pitiful little song turned cheerful in the kitchen of the house she slaves away in all day? It says "In my own little corner, in my own little world, I can be whatever I want to be." And it goes on to turn her little life into this great, grand life. Anyways, I was thinking of that song the other day, just feeling kind of alone and like I have nothing. Maybe that song has nothing to do with my life right now, maybe I'm getting the gist of the song wrong, but I feel like right now I can totally relate to her (of course I would relate myself to a Disney Princess...anyways) I gave it all up, basically, to follow God to Uganda to teach me and mold me and I came home to nothing. Or so I thought. To be honest I've been battling a war ever since I got home. My blog posts have stopped, I have spent many days wandering around God but not going to him, not embracing his presence, but instead I've been dealing with these lies that my mind keeps trying to get me to believe.

For those who are wondering: still no job. (or ring... sorry Jer, people want to know :D) I think that's the hardest part. I had a conversation with Jeremy just the other day about nothing being like I had wanted or thought it would be... selfish statement, right? I know. And I keep falling into those. I don't know if it's hard because I live in this wonderful country where we can make anything happen for ourselves or if it's fear and I don't want to admit that I'm not grasping on to God with all that I am, but instead, I'm holding on to him with my arms and leaving my feet on the ground to do my own walking. Who knows. I've been battling whether or not to write things about my life back in the US or just wait until everything begins to look like how I wanted it to.

Yesterday at church something interesting happened to me. My pastors wife was doing the childrens sermon and needed to find the scripture she was using in a hurry. As the choir filled the choir loft she was scrambling to find it and looked up. Usually I'm not behind her, but today I was. She asked if I happened to know where the scripture was that talks about while we're all still sinners Christ died for us and I said try Romans 5... and there it was. WHAT? She got so excited and I was hit with a 2x4 across the face. I thought how did I do that? I can never, never, never for the life of me remember where a scripture comes from... never! Even if it's my favorite verse. As I sat there it hit me that God gave me that answer and I just exclaimed praises to him! It made church so much more worthwhile, but it also reminded me that I need him! In the place I am right now, with so many things uncertain, I am certain of the best thing in the world- I live for a Savior who loves me, who has great plans for me, who wants me to trust him with all that I am!

Instead of embracing this life filled with grace, love, encouragement, and support I've been given right now, I'm living in this make believe world in my head, constantly beating myself up for not feeling good enough, smart enough, cheerful enough, experienced enough, or whatever other qualities I don't have to get a job right now. Honestly, I think this blog post will hold myself accountable to the 30 people who follow me, which is probably another reason I never wanted to do it! Each day that passes I am reminded how precious life is, how great our God is, and how He called me to serve him in good times and bad, rich times and poor, on a full stomach or empty stomach, all the time, in everything that I do! I hope this has inspired you today to trust in him! It's easy not to when we live such busy lives. We have plans, hopes, dreams, to-do lists, but God has it under control if we will just trust him, jump into his arms and let him direct our paths!


What have I been doing the past month, you ask?
*My baby sister, Kimberly, got engaged to a lovely guy, Rod!
*Jumped right back into teaching arts and crafts and prayer at Wednesday night church and choir at church
*I started at Pier 1 to help with the lack of funds coming in
*Living by the grace of my sister and brother in law! I am the cleaning lady at my sisters house, since I have no way to pay her rent, so I clean day and night getting ready for baby Olivia to come and do other odd jobs for her since she's preggers!
*I apply to jobs every day. I could probably write my job information in my sleep!
*I start volunteering at Harvest Hope food bank and Habitat for Humanity this week, so I'm excited about that!!
*I've started putting all those pinterest pins to work: cooking food and doing crafts constantly!
* Traveled to visit family, nothing compared to Uganda, but still fun!
* Visiting friends, although I will admit, I'm not a great friend! I often overbook time, forget, or just don't call. It's not that I don't love or care for everyone, it's a learned habit and I'm trying my best!
*I decided to go to grad school. Details to come later!
*And my favorite, I've been catching up with my sweet boyfriend, who has shown nothing but love, grace and patience with me as I adjust back to life in the US. I have never been more grateful to have him!

Thank you to everyone who requested more blog posts! I'm so excited about being in such need of him to provide and I look forward to keeping you posted on where He moves me, how He provides and how He loves!

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8