my 27 year struggle.

When I was a little girl I used to talk back to my mom and dad all the time. Actually, I've struggled with it my whole life. Some of you may know that my Wuelita and Wuelito didn’t mess around with back talk and I would occasionally have to open my mouth wide, stick out my tongue, and stand there while they dribbled hot sauce on my tongue. Sometimes I could sneak away and wash it off while they did the same thing to my sisters, but most of the time I had to deal with the stinging pain. I don’t eat hot sauce at all and I hate the smell. Talking back is still my struggle or my weakness. I struggle to have a filter and often say not nice things out of frustration.

A few weeks ago, Jeremy and I went out to eat for dinner. Have you ever seen this ecard?

 

 

My sister and I joke about this sometimes. We get grumpy when we are hungry. At the restuarant, Jeremy and I waited 20 minutes to get asked about our drinks and then it was probably 45 minutes to an hour before we had anything to eat. I used to wait tables, so this just added to my frustration. Managers walked by, other servers walked by, no one asked about us or even noticed there was nothing on our table.

When our waitress finally made an appearance I let her have it. I didn't think I was terribly mean, but I could tell on Jeremy's face that he was embarassed. She was really apologetic, but I almost didn't care because I was hungry and upset. When she walked away, though, I immediately thought about what I had done. Did the way I act or the words I use reflect who I am in Christ? In my head I began asking myself if this was my one opportunity to meet her, knowing nothing about her life, her family, only that she works as a waitress, what would she know of me and my husband when we left for the night? Jeremy and I have this rule that we tip with grace. If we go out to eat we always leave a nice tip for the waiter or waitress regardless of their performance. Christians have such bad reputations with waiters because they leave bad tips. I knew we would leave a tip, but what difference would it make after the way I acted?

A few years back I ran across this scripture, "It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell. This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can’t tame a tongue—it’s never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth!" James 3:5-10 (The Message). That last line gets me. I encourage you to read more of James and the New Testament.

I did the only thing I thought I could do that would help the situtuation... I apologized. I apologized to my waitress and apologized to Jeremy. When we left, though, I couldn't forget about it. I realized that I had some praying to do, some reflecting to do, and some growing to continue to do. But as I reflected on this,I noticed that this was happening in a few other places in my life. This wasn't something I was doing just out of hunger... it was a reflection of my heart. 

And this brings us to today. This is the main reason I haven't updated my blog. I have been in a time of reflection and a time of change. I'm sorry that I have not updated our lives. You haven't missed much. God is teaching and molding me and Jeremy. We are excited about growing in our love for him, our desire to serve him, and to lead by example. Sometimes reflection is necessary. I want to encourage you to reflect on your own life, the words you're using, and actions you take... what is being revealed about your own heart?

The last thing I want to mention is that Jeremy is preaching this Sunday at church. The first time he preached I was in Africa. He has been busy all week putting together what God has placed on his heart. I'm excited to hear it! We go to Blaney Baptist Church (in case you were wondering).  If you aren't able to come I will make sure to put his sermon on here next week. Happy weekend!