Holding on

Hey friends... this is Valerie (Hils twin) and I am going to be a "guest columnist" for Hils blog today. She was kind enough to let me share with you some of my thoughts...

For those of you who don't currently know my situation, I am in school, working AND doing an internship. Needless to say, life is pretty hectic for me. Thankfully, I have an amazing husband who supports me, emotionally and financially, as I seek to follow where God is leading me. But not even his love could prevent my emotional downward spiral. This morning something happened that sent me over the edge- I broke down and I wept for probably 4 hours (nothing major.. like a medical condition.. just personal stuff). The way I normally relieve my tension and anxiety is to hit the treadmill. So I go to the gym and someone is on "MY" treadmill and I'm forced to use the one next to it. Normally I watch TV while I run but this time I just needed to run and think. This particular machine had a sign on the wall directly in front of it (the only machine with a sign on the wall in front of it). It said something along the lines of "don't hold on to the treadmill unless you are checking your heart rate" and at the bottom in small letters it said "Think about it... do you walk around holding on to something?"

As I ran, I kept reading those words. I couldn't get over them for some reason and I kept reading that sentence. Then at about mile 2- as I cried on the treadmill- it was like the words came off the paper and hit me in the face. I was walking around holding on to a lot of somethings. Many things that were given to me as a blessing and I had begun seeing as a right or something I earned by myself. Everything I have and everyone in my life was placed there strategically by God. But, I began to let them take the place of Christ on and in my heart. I was holding on to little pieces of everything, to keep my control over as much as I could. My life has become about surviving and not SERVING. And I became comfortable with all this goodness God had given me (because honestly He has given me an amaaaazing life!). I didn't need to be a servant every day. I didn't need to pray every day. I didn't need to THANK God for his blessings every day. I was content and I was surviving... until this morning.

Hosea 13:6 says "When I fed them, they were satisfied; when they were satisfied, they became proud; then they forgot me."

Now that doesn't mean I woke up and literally forgot who God even was... that means I forgot that my trust should be in HIM for ALL things; I should be holding on to Him and not holding on to all my somethings. If I hold on to Him, my way will be made right and everything will work out for His perfect plan for my life.. like it says in Psalm 18:32 "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect". Not Valerie who makes it perfect.. no matter how hard I try or how much I can control. I may not like it. I may not have control like I want. But I will have trust that God would not put me somewhere he hasn't prepared me to go or give me something that I couldn't handle. We need to learn to stop holding on to our somethings and hold on to Christ. This adventure, called life, that he has put us on will be that much more amazing if we can just put all of our trust in Him. He needs to have my whole heart and your whole heart- not just a piece or a section.

I pray that you can use any part of this to better your life with Christ. We all struggle with different things and I can guarantee you that my lesson with this is not over. But I am not perfect and neither are you. Start serving and stop just surviving.