The Joy of the Lord

Each day the Lord is breaking my heart. I think it’s something we all pray for, but the things we feel, or maybe it’s just me, are unexpected. Daily God has been breaking me down: emotionally, physically, spiritually through the things that I see, the things I experience, the things I don’t understand, the things that just don’t make sense. Even as I speak my heart is breaking and my eyes well up with tears. At the beginning of my trip one of the MSTs here (Mission Support Team) did a devotion on Nehemiah 8:10.

Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

We talked about the things we go through here, but it was mostly talked about in the sense of things that we struggle with. Because God called us here to this place, we know he has a purpose for it and in that we find joy to get through the things we love and the things we don’t like at all… like the wells, for example. That is a project that was so incredibly hard for me and I didn’t like it at all, but I did it because God called to here and it was a part of what we were doing. I didn’t think I would really need this scripture towards the end of my trip.

The other day at the babies home my heart was breaking as I looked around the room to babies all alone in the room, with dirty smelly diapers, who just wanted to be held, but couldn’t be. These children are God’s creation, the apples of his eye, He loves them and so I found joy enough to endure the dirty diapers and the vomit and the hair pulling and the endless and endless crying… if I didn’t hold them, love them, kiss them, pray for them with everything God has given me, who would? At that moment it was me and 1 other teacher and more babies than we could handle. Each baby I picked up I held close, I kissed on the forehead, I tickled, I hugged, I laughed with, I loved on, and I prayed for. I kept remembering the scripture in Jeremiah 29 that says God has great plans for you. God has great plans in store for these babies and he loves them very much. I couldn’t help but cry because on one hand I was sad because of their situation, but God, their Father, is the ultimate provider and has a great, beautiful plan for each and every one of them, for orphans all over the world, for widows, and for his children. The joy of the Lord was my physical, emotional and spiritual strength that day and I began to understand how that passage of scripture can apply to my life.

At the well last week and this week I kept reciting the joy of the Lord is my strength. It is hot, we were hungry, tired, and waiting for a plan. The water and mud smelled bad. This well hadn’t be cleaned in so long. But we come to this area, Victory, every week and it never occurred to me the work that this well needed. Again, through the smells, through the pain, through the heat, the joy of the Lord is my strength. The well was harder than we expected, but each time we went back I had to remind myself that the joy of the Lord will be my physical strength. Pushing through it all, the pain, the tears, the smells, the feelings of inadequacy, the joy of the Lord was my strength!

Last week some things happened to me personally that really brought me down. I’ve just been struggling here to find joy. Things have happened that have discouraged me and made me really question my purpose here. I struggled thinking how Christians can build each other up one minute and then tear each other down the next. We do it all the time. I think because I am on a mission trip, working with a Christian organization, in fellowship constantly,  I assumed this kind of discouragement wouldn't hinder my experience. That definitely isn’t the case and I’ve been learning day by day how to really understand the joy of the Lord and use that as my strength. James 1:2 & 3 is definitely one of my favorite verses. It says, “ Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops your perseverance. Perseverance must finish it’s work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” Surely God can teach me a lesson and give me joy during these confusing times. 

I took some time to really bask in the amazing things God has done, is doing, and the plans he has for me, the people in my life, the blessings I have daily, the every day reminders of his blessings and promises… the many reasons I have to be joyful! After I started thinking about some of my favorite things in the world: beaches, mountains in the fall, trees, flowers, shooting stars, smiling children, it really brought my spirits up! When I thought about God's calling and provisions for my trip here I had joy. When I thought about scripture that says doing God's will won't be easy it gave me joy.

If you ever catch yourself having one of those days where you just can’t see yourself making it through, start to really think about the blessings in your life. Some may come to your attention that you never considered a blessing before! The things I’m struggling with here are just preparing me for struggles I’ll face back home or anywhere God calls me, and I’m thankful that He gave me the strength to endure each moment.  I'm so glad to be able to live and apply scripture and I'm so glad that the Lord gives me plenty of reasons to be filled with joy!