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Do you ever think about how you spend your days, well your day? I never really thought about it until yesterday morning. Amy challenged us to think about our day, just today, and take it for the blessing it is. What do I really spend my time doing in the 24 hours I'm blessed with each day? I began to think about how I spent my time when I was at home. All of my days blurred together: sleep for 8 hours, spend 2 hours getting ready for work, working for 7.5 hours, an hour for lunch, go home, visit Jeremy for a few hours, unwind with some television, do it over again. My days felt so redundant, and only Wednesday was different when I added go to church. I didn't even have consistency in my time with the Lord, the money spent on him, etc. I didn't have much time for anyone but myself.

In my last post I spoke about what a challenge this week has been for me. I struggled so much with my past, the things I’ve done and said, my pride, my attitude, and also the things I do at home. I’ve been challenged every day to think about my life back home: the way I spend my money, the way I spend my time, the people I spend my time with, my need to meet the status quo and living the American Dream.

The other night a few of us stayed up late and were talking about America and our education system. Ivan was asking questions about high school and college in the US and we were answering. The conversation took a turn and we started talking about poverty. I don’t remember much of the conversation, just mostly how I felt as we were talking about it. When you live in the United States, surround yourself with people from the United States, never leave the United States you almost have these goggles on that block your ability to see the rest of the world and the real poverty that exists. It’s a hard concept for me to understand, because I grew up in what I consider, and the government considers, extreme poverty. I remember getting handouts, not having electricity, food, clothing, shoes, any of that. In the best way possible it gave me and my sisters an amazing bond that I don’t think could ever be broken… we experienced that life together and we know how hard it was. But after coming to Africa you notice poverty at a level you didn’t really believed existed.

This week I think I struggled to understand how governments don’t support the poor, the orphans, and the widows like we do in the US. I am thankful that we have so many programs set up to help the people in need. Because of those programs and support our country offers our level of poverty doesn’t compare to the rest of the worlds. Please, don’t get me wrong, I know that people all around the United States are struggling. I know there are people who live in horrible conditions, even for the United States. That’s the part that got me thinking, though. Do I know any of them? Do I even know any widows and orphans in the US? Do I? I don’t know if it’s my shame that’s brought me to have such a horrible mood this week, but I definitely haven’t felt like myself. I felt like I was almost questioning how I can come to Africa, how my church can support me to come half way across the world, when I don’t even know the people in my own community who are struggling, suffering, need food, shelter, help, love, prayer, support, etc.

I read the book “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan this week. I highly recommend it and wanted to share just something that really spoke to my heart. In Chapter 9 he says, “ Most of us use “I’m waiting for God to reveal His calling on my life” as a means of avoiding action. Did you hear God calling you to sit in front of the television yesterday? Or to go on your last vacation? Or exercise this morning? Probably not, but you still did it. The point isn’t that vacations or exercise are wrong, but that we are quick to rationalize our entertainment and priorities yet are slow to commit to serving God.” (page 169)

After a week of thinking about my community back home, reading this was like the icing on the cake. I spend so much of my own time doing what I want. I almost feel like I’ve taken so much of my time for granted, so much of the time that has been blessed to me, not promised to me! I know that God is continuing to prepare my heart for ministry back home. I am excited about it. Each day I learn more and more about myself, about my weaknesses, and how God simply wants me to put my faith in him to provide, sustain, and love me. I definitely don’t get it right, but I can keep trying each day as I’m blessed with it!